'Flirty friend is too much and crossed the line with my husband'

Dear Coleen

I have a good friend, who I’ve known for nearly a decade and I value her friendship. She has a great sense of humour and isn’t the type to judge, plus she’s always been kind and loyal.

The issue is, over the past 18 months she’s become ­incredibly flirty with my husband, usually when we’re on a night out with friends and alcohol is in the mix. He’s the life and soul of every party, so he goes along with it for a laugh, but I absolutely know there’s nothing more to it for him.

She does have a boyfriend, but it’s quite casual.

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At first, I found her flirting quite entertaining, but now it’s just irritating and I dread going out with her if it’s a couples thing. One of my friends commented recently that she was “too much” and that I should keep my eye on her.

The thing that really wound me up happened at a barbecue at her house a couple of weeks ago. She plonked herself on my husband’s lap for ages, talking and laughing with the group like it was completely normal and he was her partner! Even my husband started to look uncomfortable with it.

She crossed the line and I felt embarrassed and disrespected, but what do I do? I don’t want to fall out with her, but she can’t carry on behaving like this if we’re to stay friends.

Coleen says

I totally understand how uncomfortable this would make you feel in a social situation where other people can see what’s happening. I think it’s possibly more embarrassing for her, though.

Tell your husband how you feel and ask him not to join in if she starts flirting. It sounds like it’s reached the point where it’s awkward for him, too, but he doesn’t want to come across as rude. He can always politely excuse himself and chat to someone else or get up and go to the loo if she tries to sit on his lap. Also, why not step back a bit socially for a while and stick to seeing her on her own instead of with partners?

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If she carries on, then I think you have to bring it up with her directly if you want to stay friends. I realise it’s not an easy conversation to have and who knows how she’ll react.

She’ll probably feel embarrassed and maybe she’ll own it and apologise because she loves you or she might back away from the friendship. But crossing the line with a mate’s husband isn’t what friends do, so maybe she’s showing she’s not so kind and loyal after all, and the friendship has run its course.

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